Limits – Challenged

🎉 Boundaries & Consent, But Make It Fun! 🎉
A playful guide to knowing what you actually want — and saying it with confidence!

🤗 Hugs: Heroic or Horrible?

Let’s set the scene:
You’ve had a rotten day. Traffic jam, spilled coffee, existential dread — the works. You’re cranky, drained, and ready to hide under a blanket. Along comes someone — partner, pal, parent — and they say:
“Can I give you a hug?”

You say yes… and yikes, it feels off. You’re more “meh” than moved. In fact, you feel worse. What gives? You consented, didn’t you?

Flash forward to tomorrow: you’re feeling fresh and fabulous. The same person offers another hug. You say yes again — but this time it feels lovely, like a warm chocolate chip cookie for the soul.

So what changed?

🎭 The Curious Case of the Awkward Hug

Let’s break it down:

That first hug? Felt like a gift-wrapped obligation.
That second hug? Felt like your idea.

Even though you technically said “yes” both times, they were very different situations. Why? Well…

Maybe the first hug wasn’t really for you.
Maybe the asker just couldn’t deal with your grumpiness and needed to “fix” it with affection.
Maybe you didn’t know how to say “Actually… I’d rather not.”

We often say “yes” when we want to say “no” — out of politeness, guilt, habit, or because we think it’s expected. Our body knows the truth though… and sometimes it says “nope” loud and clear, even if our mouth says “sure.”

🗣️ Language Makes a Difference

Let’s look at two questions:

“Can I give you a hug?”
“Would you like a hug?”

The first one centers on them — their need to do something.
The second one centers on you — your desire to receive. That subtle difference in language changes everything. It’s like the difference between someone throwing a surprise party for themselves at your house (😬) and someone asking if you’d like to host a party just for you (🎉).

🧭 Giving vs. Receiving: A Plot Twist!

When someone says “Can I give you a hug?” what they’re often doing — whether they realize it or not — is asking to receive. Your hug becomes a comfort for them. If you say yes when you don’t mean it, your “giving” becomes hollow.

Now imagine the second version:
“Would you like a cuddle?”
Aww. Now we’re talking about what you actually want. You get to choose, request, receive — no guilt, no guesswork.

💡 Pro Tip: You can even level-up by saying:

“Actually, I’d love to sit between your legs and feel your arms around me. Can we do that instead?”
Boom. Instant warm fuzzies and a big YES from your body and your soul.

😬 When Boundaries Blur (a.k.a. The Wandering Massage)

Ever been offered a shoulder rub, only to have it wander south… to places you didn’t sign up for? 😳

Here’s how that story tends to go:

You were offered a shoulder massage.
Five minutes in, someone’s massaging your boobs.
You’re confused. They think you’re into it.
You don’t want to upset them — they offered, after all…

What started as a gift for you suddenly turned into a grabby free-for-all. That’s not fun, sexy, or respectful. And you’re left wondering how “sure” turned into “uhhh…”

💬 Communication Is (Still) Sexy

Real talk: no one teaches us how to talk about this stuff. But we can learn. That’s where the magic happens. 💫

Want better touch? Ask.
Don’t want something? Say it.
Unsure what you want? That’s okay too. Exploring is part of the journey!

In fact, couples who’ve been together for 10+ years often leave my sessions saying things like:
“I never knew you liked being touched like that!”
To which the partner says:
“Well… you never asked.”

And there you have it — a decade of missed opportunities wrapped in silence.

🎡 The Consent Wheel of Wonder

Much of this fun, juicy, liberating work comes from Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent — an amazing tool that’ll totally change the way you look at touch, requests, and receiving. Her book The Art of Giving and Receiving is a game-changer — go read it!

I work primarily with women over 40 through Intimacy Life Coaching — a space where we explore:

✨ What you really want (not just what you think you should want)
✨ Body confidence that comes from within
✨ Sensuality, pleasure, and permission to enjoy
✨ Embodiment and true connection

🎁 Your Invitation

Think of this as your golden ticket to stop “putting up with” intimacy and start loving it on your terms.

I offer a free 3-hour introductory session (yep, you read that right) — a chance to step into something new, exciting, and wonderfully yours. It’s professional, safe, held… and fun. 😄

So ask yourself:
Are you ready to find out what you really want?

Let’s discover it together. 💃